“I’m stronger than I thought I was!”

This Fall my 11-year-old son was helping me in a store to load a large packet of gardening soil into a shopping cart. He thought the bag was heavier than it was, so when he hoisted it up, it bopped him in the face. He giggled.

While we were loading our purchases into the car, I noticed he had soil from the dirty bag on his face. I said, “Jacob, thank you so much for working so hard to help me. You have some dirt on your nose from when the bag bopped you.” His happy response was, “Oh, I guess I’m stronger than I thought I was!” I took a moment to deeply appreciate his positive energy, his self-reflection and insight — I will remind myself when things feel hard, that maybe I’m stronger than I think I am. So grateful to be his Mom!

Racism and the Human Race

I am currently taking a course on Aboriginal Worldviews and Education. I am feeling, in my body, the stirrings of many things…I feel like bowing to First Nations Peoples in gratitude for the land beneath my feet, for their spiritual wisdom, and for their resilience despite immense suffering. At the same time, I feel like crying for their past and present experiences; how difficult it is for a child to learn and thrive (see video here) in the current system. These children grow up to be adults carrying the burdens of their ancestors; how can a child learn in a traditional school setting when their nervous systems and brains are wired to be on high alert? I have personally experienced prejudice and racism as a Japanese-Canadian child growing up in the 1970s in North Vancouver, BC, which was a predominantly white city at the time. I naively thought that raising my own children in Toronto would somehow “protect” them from similar experiences. I was sadly mistaken. My son came home in Grade 4 and asked, “Why do people hate Chinese people?” to which I replied “Why do you ask?” He explained that the neighbour’s child was making derogatory remarks about Chinese people, but because he is of mixed ethnicity (Japanese, Chinese, & Canadian), he wondered if he should correct the kid by saying “I’m not just Chinese!” We had an interesting, lengthy talk. I was relieved that he was able to come home, ask questions, and process the experience (it would not be his last, sadly). At the same time, I was sad that 40 years after my own experiences, things haven’t come as far as I would have hoped, even while living in a culturally diverse city. My friend said “Racism is everywhere, Diane. It’s everywhere. You can’t escape it.” So I sent a message of love and hope to my son and to his racist peer (whose insecurity fueled his cruel remarks), I continue to work on healing myself, and I offer a space for others to explore both their own and their ancestors’ pain through my work. Let us remember that we are all part of one race, the human race.

The Unexpected Gifts of COVID to OT

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It was September 1998. In one of my first classes as an OT student we were asked, “What is the value of occupation?” A nervous and uncomfortable silence followed. I piped up “Are you asking, ‘How is doing stuff good for you?’” which brought a few giggles and a bit of clarity. Now we could get to work, to begin learning the role of occupation (anything that occupies your time) in rehabilitation and in daily living.

This year, COVID has unexpectedly gifted OT with a global experiment in occupational deprivation. What happens when people’s occupations are altered, restricted, or prohibited? How does this impact the body, mind, and spirit?

In today’s modern world, people seem busier than ever. Productivity and efficiency are the priority –get as much done as quickly as possible. The world is changing quickly –best keep up or you will be left behind in the race of life. Then COVID lockdown came along and pressed the PAUSE button, giving us the priceless gift of more time. Less commuting, fewer places to go, no more parties to attend/host. Time to stay home, without as many external distractions, inviting an opportunity to go within and reflect mindfully on our lives.

Because of COVID, both the joys and sorrows of our lives are now brought to the surface. In some circumstances, we are filled with gratitude. Gratitude for a single unobstructed breath, right now. Gratitude for the ventilator that is giving breath to someone else, right now. Gratitude for government and institutions providing financial relief. Gratitude for essential workers who cannot work from the safety of home. Gratitude for people and loved ones in your life, providing charming entertainment and companionship during lockdown.  Gratitude that you are not alone.  Gratitude for every relationship, no matter how casual. Waving to a stranger who calls out “Thank you” for moving aside to allow for social distancing on the sidewalk — COVID has united us. Our masked faces have awakened a deeper appreciation for the human eyes, the subtle expressions and energy they radiate. Looking into people’s eyes, as the rest of their faces are covered, perhaps truly seeing people for the first time. I recently received a holiday photo of a family that I had only ever seen with masks on. What a gift it was to see their whole faces and how much happiness it brought me! Gratitude that, despite the world being in chaos, Spring still arrived, with its warm sun and new growth and beginnings. Faith was restored that life, will indeed, go on.

COVID has also brought much sorrow. Even the most balanced and emotionally secure people are now living with anxiety, the invisible threat of COVID touching their daily lives. We are forced to contemplate death and dying, a natural fear that is universal. Our lives could be shorter than we had expected. How we choose to spend this moment, right now, will never be given to us again. Our mental capacities are stretched to grapple with big questions: “Why is this happening? Will I/we be ok? Will things ever be the same again? Why do I stay in this lifeless job? Why do I stay in this unhealthy relationship?” Our emotional capacities are taxed as we tackle the anxiety, depression, and grief that accompany loss. Some of us have been brought to our knees in utter devastation. We see how vulnerable we are.

What arises from such suffering is compassion. Compassion and care for each other. Compassion for our most vulnerable citizens. Compassion for anyone who is struggling physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. Compassion for anyone who is isolated, who lost their job, whose happy plans were interrupted, who had to put aside their dreams. Compassion for the person who was so desperate that s/he had to steal my car out of my driveway as I slept! Once I recovered from the shock of this, I remembered what my psychology professor taught me, that “desperate people do desperate things.” Clearly, that person needed my car more than I did. We are all connected in a myriad of ways.

So, what is the value of occupation? How is “doing stuff” good for your body, mind, and spirit? Perhaps self-care activities maintain your physical health and provide your mind with stability and comfort in the sameness of routines. Perhaps productivity activities provide you the financial means to care for yourself and your loved ones, and stimulate your mind, among other things. What about the occupational category that is often overlooked in importance: leisure? What makes you feel good inside? What would you choose to do if you had an extra hour each day? Leisure occupations are the golden key to accessing the elusive spirit. What are you passionate about? What makes your heart warm and light? What makes you come alive? What makes life meaningful to you? What is your purpose? Why are you here? How are you connected to everyone and everything? The answers to these questions originate in one’s spirit. We are invited to revisit the core beliefs and values of OT.

Finally, spirit gets a turn. Thank COVID, for that.

Grief and Joy

A dear friend lost her beloved dog this past summer. She recently adopted two adorable puppies. The left brain asks “Isn’t it too soon? It has only been a couple of months. Was this a good decision?”  The right brain processes feelings of sadness, happiness, worry and everything else in between. The heart, when fully open to life, has the capacity to hold both joy and grief at the same time. I am inspired by her heart-led decision to embrace all of life’s experiences and her trust in divine timing.